Removed from the brother's will: the relationship with my brother is ruined.

Dear Newsweek,

My beloved brother suddenly passed away in 2007 at the age of 51 and did not leave a will. Our older brother was appointed responsible for his estate.

When my brother died, at the same time my husband got into an accident and sustained serious injuries, and then he was diagnosed with cancer. I had two small children and only one income, and I was not only taking care of my husband but also my children while working. We almost lost everything.

I recently found out that when my brother died, our other brother excluded me from my share of the inheritance by lying.

When he took on the inheritance, he sent me official letters about his successes, and then all communication stopped.

Recently, I found out that he told the court in Georgia, where my brother died, that he hadn't heard from me in several years and had no way to contact me. He even placed an ad in a local Georgia newspaper, pretending to try to find me.

I am in Ohio, and he is in Pennsylvania. He had my phone number, address, workplace, and also my Facebook profile, and we are both in touch with our cousins.

He lied in court. Is there anything I can do in this situation, so many years after my brother's death?

Thank you,
Peggy, Ohio

“What should I do?”

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Eric Brole

Founder and CEO of Georgia Probate Law Group, which exclusively assists families after the death of a loved one.

Hi, Peggy,

I'm very sorry to hear about the situation in your family. Unfortunately, conflicts and dishonest behavior are not uncommon in such situations.

When a person dies, someone often approaches the court with a request to appoint an administrator or executor of the will. In this request, the applicant provides the court with the contact information of the heirs. The court is obligated to send a notification to all heirs. If the applicant informs the court that they do not have information about an heir, there is a procedure that may lead to a public notice being placed in a newspaper as a last resort.

Although it seems there were issues with how the situation was resolved, I don't think it makes sense to pursue this now, so long after the events of 2007. The statute of limitations for any legal actions has likely already expired.

Moreover, there is a practical side to it; even if legal action were possible, it is often difficult to recover assets after so much time has passed. Everything that was part of the inheritance in 2007 has likely been sold or spent over the years. Thus, you may find yourself spending money to achieve something where your best option would be to have paper confirmation of your victory, but without the possibility of obtaining what you were supposed to receive in 2007.

I'm sorry to be unsupportive.

Doctor Chloe Carmichael

A clinical psychologist and author. Her approach is focused on achieving our full potential by enhancing our strengths.

Dear Peggy,

Thank you for your letter, and I am very sorry for your loss. It seems to be a heartbreaker on many levels.

First of all, I recommend consulting a lawyer to understand your rights. Self-defense is an important aspect of mental health, and knowing our rights is essential for effective protection.

If there is no legal way or if you do not want to pursue it, it may be helpful for you to determine which aspect of this situation is most important to you personally. For example, if several meaningful items belonging to your late brother are very significant to you, you might postpone resolving the conflict with your brother until you have enough trust to possibly convince him to give you some of those meaningful items. In this case, you can avoid criticizing his way of handling the situation by simply expressing understanding that these were his choices, and you are just interested in/hoping that there might be some way to obtain a few symbolic items.

Depending on your relationship with him, you might want to express how upset and hurt you are by his behavior. However, since this conversation could trigger a defensive reaction and strengthen his position, it would be wise to consider the timing for such a discussion (for example, after you have received your symbolic items, if that is a priority). In any case, it is helpful to understand your older brother's motives; sometimes grief can cause people to behave irrationally. Was he greedy for money? Were there any personal grievances underlying his behavior? None of this justifies his actions, but a compassionate and sincere desire on your part to understand his actions may actually disarm him and make him reflect, which could lead to changes. Even though you live in different states, it might be beneficial to tell him that you would like to visit him in person to reconnect and better understand each other—although phone calls or video calls are also options.

Given your vulnerability in this situation, it might help to ask a mutual friend or relative to be present during the conversation with your older brother. This could increase your sense of safety in a stressful situation and possibly stimulate his sense of responsibility. The sad truth is that it’s easier to abuse someone in isolation than when we know our community is watching. I don’t know what your relationship is like with your older brother or how he might react to attempts to fix the situation, and I hope things improve – but if necessary, remember that you are not obligated to maintain a relationship with someone who only brings pain into your life, although I hope that’s not the case for you.

Thank you once again for your letter, Peggy. I am sending you my sincerest wishes for a positive outcome.

Newsweek aims to challenge conventional ideas and find connections in the search for common ground.

Newsweek aims to challenge conventional ideas and find connections in the search for common ground.