I can literally see his new life through his window.

We broke up because, despite all my efforts, I felt like I was the only one trying to communicate and talk about our problems. He lost his mom when he was young, and although he seems fine on the surface, underneath he is a needy teenager who wants nurturing, and in particular, wants sex. I felt so burdened by his endless need for love and affection. It seemed that no matter what I did, it was never enough. Moreover, I was doing everything for us. I am a very, very busy scholar and I need care too. While I love being a caregiver, it wasn't equal.

About a year ago, I suddenly lost both of my parents, had to pack up and sell the family home, and I also changed jobs during this chaos. All this time, I had to step back from it because his focus still seemed to be on what he needed, and he seemed upset that I wasn't grieving while paying attention to him. In short, although I always loved him, I ultimately felt drained. He was also secretive. When we first started dating, unbeknownst to me, he was seeing someone else but maintained a relationship with me before breaking up with her. Last summer (your winter), we met again during the holidays - at his request - and I said, "Please don't date anyone else while we're spending this time together. We need to figure out what we're doing." He swore he wouldn't and kept asking me if we could meet again and try to start over. However, it turned out he was seeing someone else. By the end of January, before I found out about it, I was deeply contemplating the future and opened my heart, saying, "Okay, let's do whatever it takes to restore this relationship." After we slept together, his reaction was essentially to disappear. Just like that. After five years. Presumably, sex for him was the last gasp, and now he moved on to a new partner. I was left in shock, broken, completely shattered.

Simply put, I was exhausted by this. I did everything logical: accepted that it was over, tried to fill the huge gaps in my social life, etc. The problem is that his cottage is directly behind my house. The back of my house has large windows, and so does his.

We also live by the coast, so when I go for a run, I feel like I'm jumping on shadows - they can be everywhere. All of this becomes conscious when I also experience the reality of being a woman in my late 40s without children, and although I am athletic and successful, I am going through a process of shading. How can I sincerely accept the reality of this situation and still manage to heal and rise above it?

Spiral

I would like to know more about real estate in Australia. You don't necessarily have to move, but if your place no longer brings you joy and you've already thought about leaving, you can do it.

That being said, if it's too difficult to move and find another place to live, all I can say is: find a good landscape designer and lots of houseplants (even artificial ones), buy more curtains, and create new memories where you live.

The last part is key. This breakup is huge because you did so much work to be with this man. Now he is with a new partner. Of course, the closeness doesn't help. I assume it will take you more than a year to heal. Please don't feel bad about this time factor.

In a few months - and after even more experiences without him - you'll start to forget that he's there. I'm saying this as someone who worked with my ex many years ago. At first, our shared cafeteria felt like a ghost town. Sometimes he would appear out of nowhere, from behind a wall or a counter, holding a turkey sandwich, and I would panic.

But at some point, and I don't even remember when it happened, all those feelings disappeared. I even felt happy to meet him because it was like, "Oh, hi, I know this guy!" When I realized that we weren't such a good match as a couple, I was able to enjoy his presence much more.

The same will happen to you, I guarantee it. Part of the journey is learning to hope again. You are an attractive woman in your 40s, living near the beach. And to that, I say: "Congratulations, my friend!" You are not invisible! It may be hard for others to notice you because of your sorrow and other complex feelings, but otherwise, you are just an incredibly attractive find that is currently in the realm of cloudy emotional space.

If you can, treat yourself to a vacation somewhere else. Maybe sign up for a dating app and flirt. Throw a nice party at your place and plan some wonderful holidays.

Believe me when I say that your future looks bright from the outside.