After moving to Serbia after a painful divorce, I found dating here to be nearly impossible. I should have thought about these 4 things before leaving the US.

Katka Lapelosova has lived in Serbia for three years and is grateful for all the experiences she has had, but plans to leave. Katka Lapelosova moved to Serbia in October 2020 after her divorce. Lapelosova has no plans to stay here and regrets her impatience before moving. She says she will probably have to leave if she wants to have a healthy relationship again.

I dream of living abroad.

I was born and raised in New York City with roots in Slavic culture, but living abroad has been a dream of mine since 2008 when I studied abroad in Prague. After returning to the U.S., I earned my master's degree in teaching English as a second language, preparing to make my dream a reality. Then I fell in love with my best friend fromHigh School, who never left Long Island, and everything changed. Our almost 10-year relationship was wonderful and filled with many great memories, including several trips to Europe. Every time we returned to the US, I brought up the subject of moving abroad together. But my then-husband was not a big fan of the idea because of his reluctance to change. As we got older, it became clear that our values and our visions of a future together were very different. Ultimately, we made the decision to divorce in January 2020, a painful but necessary decision that allowed us to create our ideal lives separately. I felt like I had a second chance to live my dream, and that same year, I finally moved into aSerbia. Even though I don't want to stay here anymore, I am grateful for everything I have experienced. Serbia has really surprised me and moving here has been interesting. Lapelosova has traveled throughout Serbia and finds the area very beautiful.

Change of plans and difficulties in relationships

I originally bought a one-way ticket to Prague in March 2020, but it was canceled when the coronavirus pandemic completely shut down access to EU countries. I was devastated by the trip's cancellation, but Serbia, a neighboring country in the Balkans, still allowed foreign tourists. I had never been to Serbia before and was pretty clueless about their history and culture. I didn't speak Serbian at all and only knew that there had been a "very bad war" therein the 1990s. I also knew they had a lot of great basketball and tennis players. In October 2020, I booked a 3-week vacation to experience this country.

As soon as I flew in, I spent time traveling around the country and saw that the countryside of Serbia is just beautiful, but Belgrade, the capital city, surprised me the most. I wasn't sure if the buildings would be heavily damaged from the war or if the locals would be unhappy that I was an American, but everyone I interacted with was incredibly kind, generous, and curious. Since Belgrade is very close to the rest of the European Union, I bought a 250 square foot apartment in one of the most popular neighborhoods for about $50,000. I completely renovated it, and it's where I've lived ever sinceport. Moving to Europe after my divorce was very interesting. I have learned a lot about myself and my life has become more similar to how I envisioned it before marriage, but there are some things I would change if I could do things differently. One of my blunders is that I didn't study the situation in the Serbian dating scene.

Difficulties in building relationships

I've met people in the UK, Italy, Spain, Greece, Slovakia and other countries and have never encountered difficulties. But I've never been able to establish a relationship while living in Serbia - not even close. My dating in Serbia turned out to be completely different and I really had no idea how it would affect my life. In other countries, men usuallyadmire my academic and career achievements, how much I have traveled, and my ambitions in general.

The majority of locals I know prefer to meet people who are in their close circles of acquaintances, and many arrange introductions through their families, since thefamily's approval seems to be of utmost importance. I have spent many tear-filled nights talking to my Serbian friends about what is "wrong" with me. They adore me and support me, but they also see that I don't meet many of their cultural standards, and that makes meetings that much more difficult. Despite all of this, I have been approached by many married men, some of whom are even husbands of the wives I am socializing with. I am starting to realize that this is not the best cultural choice, and that I will probably have to leave if I want to have a healthy relationship again. I should have paid attention to family and friends when choosing where to move.

Homelong homesickness and difficulties with visitation

Although I love living abroad, it can get very lonely and I'm still a lonely person.still miss home. I have been waiting with great anticipation for the restrictions to be lifted so that I can invite family and friends to visit. While my loved ones are trying to support my post-divorce life abroad, only one close friend has visited me. He loved it, but I wish more people had come to visit, considering I've been here for over three years. From New York, where most of my family and friends live, there are direct flights to Belgrade, but they don't find the destination as attractive as Paris or Barcelona. No one has given me a good reason not to visit, but many of them still associate Serbia with negative stereotypes - such as gangsters or criminals. Some even think I live in Siberia or Syria; I found that themost people are just really bad at geography.

I was so set on finally realizing my dream of owning my own home that I decided to skip the rental experience, but after three years in Serbia, I'm feeling a little "stuck." I don't want to be here anymore, but I also don't have a home base in the US. For now, I'll have to stay until I have a more solid plan for moving, and even then I'll have to figure out what to do with my apartment. Rent and other costs are much lower in Belgrade compared to other European countries. If I had waited to buy an apartment and rented a nice place for 400-600 dollars a month, I could have saved money for my dream place. I pay about 32 dollars amonth for electricity, water, building maintenance, internet and telephone. I got a very good deal on an apartment in Belgrade, but I know that renting would have given me more freedom to explore other neighborhoods, and possibly other countries, before deciding where I would settle. I should have been more patient and done more research.

Planning for the future

As a digital nomad, I'm contemplating moving elsewhere as many of my life goals, such as establishing healthy relationships, starting a family, and progressing in my career, have stalled in Belgrade. I am even considering a work visa to return to Prague, for which I am eligible, but I must consider my property in Serbia. Serbia grants residence permits on the basis ofreal estate ownership, but most countries in Europe do not have such a policy. Without a legal reason to stay, I can only stay in the EU for up to 90 days under the Schengen agreements. Ultimately, the biggest change I would like to make is to be more patient. Croatia opened its work visa program for digital nomads for one year in January 2021, so if I waited a few months, I could take advantage of that opportunity. Other EU countries like Malta and Greece soon followed suit. I feel closer to these regions than to Serbia, as I have had more pleasant encounters with men in these countries. I know that one day I will achieve my goals after my divorce andof my dream of living in Europe. Although things in Belgrade didn't work out exactly as I had planned, I think everything happens for a reason, and moving there after my divorce is exactly what I needed to do.

17 November 2023: This article was probability to remove a generalization about gender roles in Serbia and to clarify how the author's relationship experiences influenced her other observations.